The world doesn't stop just because a part of your world has died.
Life keeps happening, even though you don't feel you can do it.
Worst of all, people don't care despite it being all you can care about.
When we lose a pet, 'we' as in the actual animal lovers; those whose lives revolve around our animals, whose schedules and homes and everything
in between are arranged with our pets in mind, time feels like it has stopped and is speeding past both at the same time.
There is a huge part missing every single day from our homes, lives and hearts.
We're used to seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling a certain someone and then they aren't there anymore.
The things that made you smile are gone and the things that made you annoyed or frustrated you long for.
But those who have a pet but it's just an accessory, a toy for their kids or a status symbol don't get it.
Those who don't like animals and have never experienced the privilege of sharing a life with one just can't understand.
Sometimes, even those who do have a pet they love aren't affected by their loss or are lucky to have never had to experience it yet
and therefore they can't empathize either.
The world did stop for me though.
My heart broke - physically and metaphorically.
I went through mental and physical pain in the days surrounding Argo's departure from his physical life.
And that is normal.
I have lost pets before. Snowdrop, Patch and Shady as a child and Bunny as an adult but nothing prepares you for each individual loss.
Animals all have their own individual personalities, they all bring something different to our lives and so each loss will also be unique.
I shared a post all about Argo (Argo 🐾🖤) and his story but I thought it important to continue the conversation on how we dealt with this huge blow in the following days and how we have honored him since.
Some people may agree with the things we did and others won't understand at all, but it's important to know that we all deal with death in our own ways and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Because I am going to go into some detail about what happened to Argo in the days after losing him, reader discretion is advised.
(This is nothing gruesome or disturbing but the handling of a deceased animal body and cremation is involved.)
Guinea pigs live on average for 5 to 8 years, though it is possible for them to reach 10.
I explained Argo's start in life and health issues in his dedicated post, but we knew it was unlikely he would surpass the upper end of the average age.
At the time of his loss, we estimate his age to have been about 7. We will never know 100% as he was a rescue.
Age is irrelevant though when it comes to the passing of a loved one. There is no right time to lose them and an older age doesn't make it any easier. However, Argo had been going downhill slowly for a week or two prior to his death and so having the expectation that something was imminent did ease the blow somewhat.
Don't get me wrong, when I went to check on him and realized he was gone it felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. Though 'expected' it was still unexpected at that moment and I dropped to the floor.
We had been making sure to have extra cuddles and time together in the garden, and on May 26th we'd had a very special time taking some photos, Argo resting on my chest and his Daddy feeding him some Strawberry, so in a way, it was good that we'd had that time to say goodbye (even though we didn't know it at the time) - I know not everyone has the privilege of having that.
As I always did, I checked him and his brother on the morning of the 27th and left him to rest before popping through a couple of hours later while on the phone with my parents to check him again. Then I saw that he had left us.
I couldn't breathe and I sobbed uncontrollably for hours. Meanwhile, Mr H was at work and I had to call him to break the news. As a family, we are so incredibly lucky to have the husband and Daddy that we do because I have no idea how I'd cope with most things, but especially this, without him.
Something I did as soon as I found him was to open the windows. As someone who has worked in a care home and experienced human death, I have always known people to open the windows after a passing. There are many reasons for this but some of us believe that it allows the soul to depart for the afterlife, meet the souls of the ancestors or rejoin the natural world.
Age is irrelevant though when it comes to the passing of a loved one. There is no right time to lose them and an older age doesn't make it any easier. However, Argo had been going downhill slowly for a week or two prior to his death and so having the expectation that something was imminent did ease the blow somewhat.
Don't get me wrong, when I went to check on him and realized he was gone it felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. Though 'expected' it was still unexpected at that moment and I dropped to the floor.
We had been making sure to have extra cuddles and time together in the garden, and on May 26th we'd had a very special time taking some photos, Argo resting on my chest and his Daddy feeding him some Strawberry, so in a way, it was good that we'd had that time to say goodbye (even though we didn't know it at the time) - I know not everyone has the privilege of having that.
As I always did, I checked him and his brother on the morning of the 27th and left him to rest before popping through a couple of hours later while on the phone with my parents to check him again. Then I saw that he had left us.
I couldn't breathe and I sobbed uncontrollably for hours. Meanwhile, Mr H was at work and I had to call him to break the news. As a family, we are so incredibly lucky to have the husband and Daddy that we do because I have no idea how I'd cope with most things, but especially this, without him.
Something I did as soon as I found him was to open the windows. As someone who has worked in a care home and experienced human death, I have always known people to open the windows after a passing. There are many reasons for this but some of us believe that it allows the soul to depart for the afterlife, meet the souls of the ancestors or rejoin the natural world.
Not only did we have to suffer the loss of our baby but there was also added stress because of when it had happened.
May 27th was a Saturday. The Saturday before a bank holiday and so we had to make the decision about what we were going to do with Argo until we were able to have his body cremated.
We knew cremation was what we wanted because where we live is rented and without our own land to lay him to rest we needed to be able to keep him with us.
We had 3 whole days to wait until we were even able to contact the Crematorium though and we had no idea how soon afterwards they'd be able to see us. Without being too insensitive to the topic, that meant we had a deceased body to care for indefinitely which was obviously very upsetting and difficult.
If you are very sensitive and do not wish to read more information on how his body was handled, please scroll below the next photo to read from after his cremation.
Mr H had bought me a wooden box and pyrography tool to create a sort of coffin and later a memory box for Argo which I burned his name into the lid of. However until we knew how long he would have to stay at home we decided to keep him in his bed, covered by his sleeping bag and a few hours after death we used ice packs around the perimeter of him to keep his body cool.
The body enters a phase called rigor mortis a few hours after death where the muscles stiffen and this can last for up to 3 days. Of course, this is dependent on species, size of animal etc. While Argo was in this stage we mostly left his body alone.
Thankfully 2 days later on the 29th, his muscles began to relax again.
Personally, we are a family that highly respects the dead, the death process and wants to help the spirit to live on. That being said, our traditions may seem strange to some people and I understand that not everyone will agree with our actions. As his body returned to a more relaxed state we took this time to take his footprints with a 'Clean Touch Ink Pad kit', we made clay imprints and took a small clipping of his hair. This process was very emotional and it was heartbreaking to do but I wanted this and it needed to be me to do it.
If you want these keepsakes but cannot deal with doing it yourself, many crematoriums offer this as an optional service.
The next day we were able to contact the crematorium who were lovely. We were able to take him down that day, Tuesday the 30th of May, 3 days after his passing.
At this point, we decided to place him in his special box with his sleeping bag and a few wildflowers we had picked from the garden. We also took him out into the garden in his box to take a post-mortem photograph which will remain offline and private for us to honour him and keep his spirit alive.
We drove to the crematorium with him and arrived to a beautiful, serene building. The lady who greeted us was friendly, empathetic and kind. She showed us through to a private room where we were able to spend some time with Argo to say goodbye if we wished. Here Argo was taken out of his box and I held him on my chest, stroking his face and telling him how much I loved him.
The lady came back in and explained the process, took our choice of urn and Mr H filled in a form.
When the time came to leave, I placed Argo on the special table and we gave him some last strokes and kisses. The lady also stroked him and said how lovely he was - her whole demeanour was so appreciated and she is very good at her job.
We had paid extra to be able to bring him home the same day as the crematorium we had chosen was a half-hour drive away and Mr H would be at work for the rest of the week unable to pick him up until the following week.
While we waited we went to a local garden centre where we found a couple of antique vases and some fake flowers for Argo.
A couple of hours later we returned to the crematorium where we were handed a small cardboard box, filled with paper straw filling and in the centre our little man's urn.
The body enters a phase called rigor mortis a few hours after death where the muscles stiffen and this can last for up to 3 days. Of course, this is dependent on species, size of animal etc. While Argo was in this stage we mostly left his body alone.
Thankfully 2 days later on the 29th, his muscles began to relax again.
Personally, we are a family that highly respects the dead, the death process and wants to help the spirit to live on. That being said, our traditions may seem strange to some people and I understand that not everyone will agree with our actions. As his body returned to a more relaxed state we took this time to take his footprints with a 'Clean Touch Ink Pad kit', we made clay imprints and took a small clipping of his hair. This process was very emotional and it was heartbreaking to do but I wanted this and it needed to be me to do it.
If you want these keepsakes but cannot deal with doing it yourself, many crematoriums offer this as an optional service.
The next day we were able to contact the crematorium who were lovely. We were able to take him down that day, Tuesday the 30th of May, 3 days after his passing.
At this point, we decided to place him in his special box with his sleeping bag and a few wildflowers we had picked from the garden. We also took him out into the garden in his box to take a post-mortem photograph which will remain offline and private for us to honour him and keep his spirit alive.
We drove to the crematorium with him and arrived to a beautiful, serene building. The lady who greeted us was friendly, empathetic and kind. She showed us through to a private room where we were able to spend some time with Argo to say goodbye if we wished. Here Argo was taken out of his box and I held him on my chest, stroking his face and telling him how much I loved him.
The lady came back in and explained the process, took our choice of urn and Mr H filled in a form.
When the time came to leave, I placed Argo on the special table and we gave him some last strokes and kisses. The lady also stroked him and said how lovely he was - her whole demeanour was so appreciated and she is very good at her job.
We had paid extra to be able to bring him home the same day as the crematorium we had chosen was a half-hour drive away and Mr H would be at work for the rest of the week unable to pick him up until the following week.
While we waited we went to a local garden centre where we found a couple of antique vases and some fake flowers for Argo.
A couple of hours later we returned to the crematorium where we were handed a small cardboard box, filled with paper straw filling and in the centre our little man's urn.
Returning home without our baby in the physical was difficult. I had done so well with my emotions all day until I got home with a little wooden box containing his ashes. Admittedly I was thankful that we were in the privileged position to be able to not only have him individually cremated (which I hadn't been able to do for my previous loss) but also to be able to bring him home straight away meaning we'd never had a day of him not being at home.
We set up a shelf with his urn, the new vase and flowers, his photograph and a candle which remained lit for a week (when we were in the room obviously).
To this day I say goodnight and kiss him every night and talk to his photo often.
Something that is a very common practice but I feel is quite underappreciated in it's significance is creating a memory box. Collecting special items together, putting together a photo album or ordering a photo book online and having it in a specific box can be extremely cathartic.
I of course used the box I had burned with Argo's name and kept his sleeping bag in there. We added his food bowl, wooden chew carrot, the small plastic carrot that floated in his water bottle and some of the paper straw stuffing from the box we received his urn in. Along with this, I kept part of said cardboard box as the design was lovely and his name was printed on it. I also had the paper goods from the crematorium and taped the footprints we had taken and wildflowers I'd pressed into a card I'd ordered online that had a piggie on the front resembling Argo.
In the following days, I had completed the clay imprint of his feet and ordered some glass vials to safely house his hair clipping as well as the last biscuit he'd ever nibbled.
This box also sits on a prominent shelf in our living room where I can access it whenever I want.
As someone with Autism I also struggle with being a HSP or 'highly sensitive person' and so make sure to do the things I need to that help ease my pain or comfort me no matter what others think.
Soft toys are a huge deal for me and so when I found a very special Hansa Guinea Pig on World of Bears.com that looked just like Argo, I had to have it. It also sits on top of his memory box and I can grab it for a hug when I need to.
Another very important thing to me was to get a tattoo of Argo. I decided on my thigh as it is a place only I see, not because I want to hide it away but because it is for me alone and it would limit any questions that may upset me. Obviously, now I can manage to talk about him without getting upset too often and have no problem sharing photos of the tattoo especially when I have such an incredible artist.
This photo was taken a day or two after I got it so it isn't looking its best, however, I will update this photo in the following days when I manage to get one taken.
Of course, he is still missed, so so much and loved beyond compare but things got better.
They do. If you are going through a pet loss right now know that. It will get better even though it doesn't feel like it right now. You are not alone and your feelings are valid.
Conversely, if you don't feel like this that is normal too. We all react differently to death and grief.
I have written this post and shared Argo's story in the hopes that someone out there will be helped by it as I know that death can be scary, confusing and cause uncertainty about what to do now. If you need any help it is out there. Reach out and talk to people, get in touch with me if you want to, I am here to talk and help as much as I can.
As a quick breakdown here are a few main tips I really recommend when going through pet loss:
- Cry.
Let yourself feel your emotions and don't keep it bottled up.
- Be kind to yourself.
Take time out, off work if you can and rest.
Do things that make you feel good like a bubble bath or watch a favorite movie with some chocolate.
- Talk to people.
Approach friends or family and explain to them how you are feeling.
(If they don't understand see below*)
- Revel in memories. Create a scrapbook, photo album or memory box.
- Honour their lives.
Plant a tree or flower, light a candle or create a craft project like a painted stone or a sketch portrait.
Plant a tree or flower, light a candle or create a craft project like a painted stone or a sketch portrait.
- Say goodbye.
Write a letter to your pet telling them anything you want or even hold a small ceremony like a funeral.
- Eat, drink and sleep.
Grief is not only emotionally and mentally taxing but takes a physical toll too.
Be sure to try and eat and drink lots of water even if you feel like you can't.
Sleep is a magic healer but can be difficult when you are struggling with loss so try to sleep when you can.
* Blue Cross Pet Loss Support Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support Service | Pet Loss is there for anyone struggling who needs to talk. There is a phone line 0800 096 6606 available between 8.30am and 8.30pm 365 days a year, live webchat accessible via the link above from 8.30am to 8.30pm, 365 days a year and email support plsmail@bluecross.org.uk where you will receive a response within 48 hours.
I am an email support volunteer with this service and was actually on shift the week that we lost Argo.
We have all experienced pet loss and we care about you. Please do not hesitate to get in touch if you want to talk.
I'm going to end this by sharing the video I put together of our gorgeous little man. I hope it makes you smile.
Thank you for reading.
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