Coronavirus and Me pt.2

 

Back in November of last year (2020), I published a blog post titled Coronavirus and Me discussing my thoughts, feelings and what life was like for me in relation to the pandemic. Eight months later things have changed somewhat, but then again not at all. Seeing as our government and the majority of the public think it is all over and we have officially bypassed what had apparently been dubbed 'Freedom Day' I wanted to come back to this subject and weigh-in, 240 days on.

This post probably will be rather wordy and a little like a brain dump, FYI.

So to start out just like back in that first post, I'm breaking down the below areas. Make sure to go back to that post to read all about back then and below is purely related to the last 240 days (from November until now).

Instances where I have left my house in the past 240 days:

Walks - 18.

Seeing parents - 5 times.

Car Journeys - 2 per day, 6 days a week until June and then 2 per day, 4 days a week since.

2 visits to Beamish open-air museum.

2 visits to the outdoor farm shop.

2 garden centre visits.

Things I still have not done:

Been into any shop or store.

Eaten out or been to a pub etc.

Travelled on any holidays or day trips.

Entered any other buildings (minus the Beamish entrance and Garden centre).
Met up with/seen anyone other than my parents.

What I have spent my time doing:

Reading 36 books (so far).

Housework.

Crafts and Gardening.

Watching TV Series' and Movies.

Playing with and caring for our animals.

Working out.

Blogging.

So as you can see, especially if you read part 1, very little has changed for me this year. Though the things that have changed were big for me. I am literally petrified of getting ill and so the times I have been anywhere outside my house, despite being masked up and staying a minimum of 2+ meters away from anyone else, my anxiety has still been through the roof and those moments were huge hurdles. 


As the so-called 'lockdowns' eased and 'restrictions' were relaxed, people started doing more and more typically normal things. My original lockdown has never ended.
I say 'so-called lockdowns' because I personally believe we had only 1 lockdown, the original in March 2020, because all the others we're not imposed or strict at all. I remember sitting in the back garden around the beginning of April 2020 and it being silent. Hardly a car on the main road near us. Once that lockdown ended everything became almost as busy as pre-Covid. The roads were always busy, the queues outside shops were long (we saw when driving past as we only do online shopping), public places from beaches to parks were heaving and no one seemed phased by the pandemic...they still don't. It's funny to me that people have complained and moaned non-stop about their freedom being taken away when there isn't really much you can't do. Of course, now our idiotic government have gotten bored of it all and just pretty much said ''handle it on your own'' so you can literally do whatever you want, but even before that you could eat out, go to the pub, go on trips, see family and friends for the vast majority of the year...so tell me exactly how you had no freedom?

It becomes infuriating, to be honest. I go between sadness, anger and fear on a loop. There isn't really anything I miss though. Like, I don't yearn to go anywhere or do anything because even before we weren't social/eat out/pub type people, I just wish I was able to go on a walk without my death fear and not have to take my inhaler more than I have in years due to a mask compromising my breathing. I can appreciate that some people have homes purely to sleep in and prefer to be out and about all the time but it really isn't so hard to be at home and boredom is definitely a choice.
As mentioned in the first of these posts, we did miss out on our honeymoon and have actually never had a break away together at all minus 1 night in Edinburgh. That I am angry about and will never get over but we have realized that a honeymoon will not be on the cards in probably the next 5-10 years now. I'd rather be alive.


A quote directly from my other post sums up my feelings pretty well - ''That's it. That has been my year. I never know what day of the week it is. I feel a total burden to my family and my physical and mental health has taken a dive. So forgive me for not being understanding that you are saying your 'life has been ruined' or your 'freedom has been taken away' while you still go shopping, out to eat, to the pub, see your family and friends, go on holiday or for days and weekends away in the UK.''
I am so lucky that I wasn't working before the pandemic hit and I didn't need to rush into finding a job because there is no way I could be in any sort of workplace right now but that is where the burden feelings come in. My husband is incredible. The hardest worker, the most supportive partner, the best friend and I couldn't have gotten through any of this without the amazing person he is. We are also very lucky that for work he is a head chef but not in a traditional place. He works pretty much alone, with no contact with the public or anything. He is able to wear a mask all day, there is a great ventilation system and he is always socially distanced from the 2 other people in the building, which is a big weight off my mind. We are not well off by any means, but I completely appreciate how privileged we are to be able to feed ourselves and our pets and have a roof over our head. 

Of course, my parents are also a fantastic support as usual. More so than so many other parents out there. Another huge relief these past 240 days is that my Mam was able to take (slightly early, as in half a year) retirement so she is no longer at as much risk due to working in childcare. My Dads health has also improved, worry number 3 down. They are both still not going far, wearing masks and they use the little at-home test things regularly also.


If it wasn't clear from this post, 'Freedom Day' changes nothing for us and I will be carrying on with my life as it is for many months, perhaps years to come. Masks for sure are something I will not be without in public ever again. 
To bring this to a close before I don't stop I just want to say hygiene is and has always been important. Don't be a scumbag. Wash your hands, use hand sanitiser when out and about, don't sneeze/cough/etc into your hands, don't touch things that you don't need to touch, be respectful of peoples personal space and lastly just be kind. You have no idea what other people are going through, ever. 

Coronavirus and Me

I've always hated going shopping. Food shopping specifically. It stresses me out and not because of the shopping aspect, but because of the people. From the moment I started doing my own food shops I've always had to deal with anxiety attacks in the store due to people pushing me out of the way, people reaching across me to get something off the shelf (rather than you know, just saying excuse me or something) and people standing super close to the back of you while waiting at the check out as if it's going to make the queue go faster. That's why the majority of the time I've opted for online shopping, getting it delivered to my home or picking it up via click and collect. 
Back in February I went for a day in the city centre with my friend and rather than either of us driving, having to find parking and pay for parking, we decided to get the metro in. When on public transport I've always been extra paranoid about germs and other people's filthy habits so hand sanitiser has been a staple in my backpack and on this day it was getting a lot of extra use, because at this point of the year I had heard of a new illness spreading in China. 

I mention both of these situations above because you have no idea how much stick I've gotten from people and the annoyance I've faced from people who are apparently offended when I implement my hygiene routine or have panic attacks, become stressed and have to move away from them because they don't respect others space. Even now, during a worldwide pandemic where there have been 53.4M cases and over 1.3M deaths from Covid-19 I'm still shocked at the blatant disregard for other people and the complete lack of fear that people have. Since when do people need to be told to wash their hands? Why did a shortage of soap and sanitizers only happen after people panic bought it all months ago as if they didn't use it beforehand? Why do people feel the need to be so close to others and become offended when you move away?


Currently, I have been at home since the end of February - that's 261 days [over 8.5 months]. It's been awful to have been unemployed so long now, but it's also a huge blessing because there is no way I could go into a place of work right now. I'm high risk and am also completely petrified of getting ill. Every single day I cope with different aches, pains, ailments and breathing issues so I know that if I caught this it would either hospitalize or kill me. I'd prefer not to have either happen thanks.

There have actually been a few instances where I have left my house, so let's count them up:

Five short outdoor walks in 261 days. 
(We are outdoor people who love walks and hikes and being around nature.
We'd usually go for a walk once a week or so, meaning we'd have been on around 35 in 261 days...not 5.)

Three times seeing my parents in 261 days.
(Who have had a hell of a year coping with serious illness that kicked off on January 1st.)

Two car journeys a day in 261 days.
(Without getting out. To drive Mr H to work and pick him up again)

However I have not done any of the following in that time:

Been in any shop or store.

Eaten out or been to a pub.

Travelled on any holiday or day trips.

Seen any other humans except parcel delivery people.
Entered any building expect my own house.

I have missed out on:

My honeymoon.
Starting a new volunteer job in an animal care setting.
A pet first aid course.
Seeing, helping or supporting my parents.
Doing anything for my 30th Birthday.
Being able to get a proper food shop.
Celebrating my 1st wedding anniversary.
Exercise. Leading to a 3-4 stone weight gain making my arthritis worse.
Spending time in nature.

I have spent my time on:
Reading 53 books (so far).
Housework.
DIY and Decorating.
Watching a lot of movies.
Playing with and caring for our animals.

Cleaning/disinfecting all shopping/mail that comes into our house.

And a little bit of blogging.

That's it. That has been my year. I never know what day of the week it is. I feel a total burden to my family and my physical and mental health has taken a dive.
So forgive me for not being understanding that you are saying your 'life has been ruined' or your 'freedom has been taken away' while you still go shopping, out to eat, to the pub, see your family and friends, go on holiday or for days and weekends away in the UK. 
I am very lucky that I have been able to even do the things I have, along with a husband and pets. We are also extremely lucky and thankful to have not lost anyone due to this pandemic. There are people who have lost family and not been able to see them to even say goodbye. There are people who live completely alone, who are high risk and have had to or want to shield. Missing out on your yearly holiday once is not the end of the world. Not going to the shopping centre every weekend or for nights out for a few months isn't that bad. 

As far as I've seen most people have been going on pretty much as normal anyway with no fear of getting ill but worst of all with complete and utter disregard of how things spread and who they might inflict with this awful illness. Recently we drove near Newcastle College and there had to be a minimum of 300 kids spilling down the street, no attempt to social distance, obviously no staggered classes going on and we only saw a measly 3 of those with masks on. While all these kids go to school and college around hundreds of others, then return home to a household of parents, siblings, roommates or whatever who are also going to their own places of education, work or going into stores etc things will continue to spread. Young children especially have no comprehension of the situation severity and are huge germ spreaders as it is. 

If you can do online schooling, do it. If you can homeschool your children, do it. If you can work from home think yourself very lucky (because there are people like me who would love that opportunity) and do it! When you can still physically go to a store but are taking online shopping delivery slots it's not fair. When you are going into shops but bulk buying and panic buying that means people who have ordered online end up with half their shopping not turning up and unable to get those items for weeks. 
Also, to quickly address the people who think it's a conspiracy, it doesn't exist or it is 'just the flu' - you're so ignorant and paranoid that you think the world has created an excuse to force you into a mask or stop you spending money in shops, pubs etc? What would the government get out of 'muzzling' you for no reason? Why would we purposely be crashing our own economy just to have 'control' over people? You all makes no sense. 

I know this post is a little all over the place but I wanted to document this horrible time to look back on one day, hopefully when the world is a better place. Right now I don't have much hope that we will have any sense of normality or even be able to go for a walk in the next 2 years. The longer our country refuses to do something drastic and the longer the general public refuse to even try, the more cases there will be, the more deaths there will be, the more elderly people sitting at home or in care homes alone will go without seeing a visitor all so people can 'have their freedom'. 
While you can still go out for a walk, pop to the shop, form 'bubbles' with family and friends and stuff you actually do have quite a lot of freedom. I would adore being able to drive to the woods and have a good 5-mile hike, but I can't. Because so many other people who wouldn't usually are now going to these spaces, it still is not safe for people like me. They don't understand that you can still pass the virus on outdoors. They sneer at your mask and don't respect your space. 

And I am fed up.